Female: Hello Mr.Vikram, this is Reena from ICICI. May I distrub you for ten minutes please.
Vikkki: (!!Scene!!) I am a bit busy right now Mam. Please make it quick. (!!Scene!!) How can I help you?
Reena: Sir, do you have an account with ICICI bank?
V: No Mam, I dont.
R: Would you like to have an account with ICICI, Sir?
V: No Mam, I wouldnt.
R: Why is that Sir? Is it because of the minimum balance value that we require you to maintain?
V: Minimum Balance? Mam. To the best of my knowledge ICICI does not require a minimum balance for corporate customers. I am sure u know that.. (I seemed to know more abt ICICI than this female! haha!)
R: Oh yes Sir. I apologize.
V: That is okay!
R: Sir, have u taken a loan with ICICI before?
V: No Mam, I have not.
R: Why not Sir?
V: Why not?? Well, lets put it this way.... I didnt need one..
R: Well Sir, have u not taken a loan because of the high interest rates that we maintain?
V: I said I didnt take a loan because I didnt need one.
R: Sir, please give ICICI a call when u need a loan the next time.
V: Sure Mam. And thanks for informing me that u maintain a high interest rate. I will make sure I remember this when I need a loan the next time! I'll look out for someother bank.

Female: Mr.Vikram, this is Shoba from HP.
Vikkki: Yes, What can I do for you.
Shoba: This is regarding your laptop Compaq Presario V 2000 with serial number #######. We need to replace the battery and I have called to get your consent.
Vikkki: Sorry to disappoint you Mam, but I dont have a Presario V2000. I have a Presario 2100 and my laptop is with me right now!
Shoba: But Sir, I have a laptop here with me which is registered to your name!
Vikkki: I can assure you, madam, that I have never owned a V2000 before.
Shoba: Sir, are u absolutely certain that you do not know anything about this laptop?
Vikkki: (laughing) Well Mam, if u are so intent on gifting a laptop to me, i wont say no. If u want to change the battery, go ahead and change it. Infact change whatever u want. I'll come and collect it this eveing (I hang up the phone)

Radha: Good Evening Sir. This is Radha from Citibank. I need to talk to you
about the credit card that u hold with us. Your credit balance is quite high Sir.
Vikkki: Hang on.. Hang on. Credit Balance is high? That is surprising, 'cauz i dont hold a credit card with Citibank. When did u start charging people who have got nothing to do with your bank? (This was actually a lie. I do hold a Citibank Debit card. But a credit card, I dont)
Radha: But ofcourse u do.. I have ur credit card number with me..
Vikkki: Oh Really! And what might that be?
Radha: I cannot tell that to u, Sir. I need to confirm ur identity before I do that.
Vikkki: Ok. Please confirm my identity
Radha: Could you tell me the last two transactions you made with your credit card.. Vikkki: Oh Hell! I dont have a credit card..!!!!

• The marriage of my cousin brother
  
• The marriage of another cousin brother
  
• The engagement of yet another cousin brother
  
• The marriage of my cousin sister
  
• The birth of a neice and 2 nephews. (Not to mention another neice and a nephew whose birth I got to attend! Man, I am getting old!)
  

"Yen Kannuuu, enna gnaaabagam irukungalaaaa??"

"Yenga, Ungala poi maraka mudiyungalaaa?" (Coimbatore Slang).

"Naan yaarunnu sollu paalalaaam" (Coimbatore Slang again...)

"Ada, valaiyaadaatheenga.. elaam theriyudhunga.."

Calvin the Rascal... My favorite comic strip super star! And this is my favorite Calvin strip ever. On second thoughts, it is Hobbes who I like better. But, let me save that for another time. We'll let Solomon Paapaiya decide who is better between the two. This post though is to see how true Hobbes' passing comment is... "Scientific Progress goes Boink"...

At age 10 i learnt about magnets in school.. I thought that this could help solve the fuel problems on earth.. (I didnt know about the existence of magneto-rail / monorail in those days.. But my idea was far more innovative). My solution to the transportation crisis was something like this... If you have seen the sidewalks (pavements) on Indian roads, you might have noticed that they are alternately painted black and white (black and yellow, sometimes). My idea was that each "black" region was to be replaced by a strong magnet with it's south pole facing the road. Similarly, the "white" region would have to be replaced by a strong magnet's north pole. This thing had to be repeated on both sides of the roads. Now, when a car was "in-line" with the magnets on the road, its internal electromagnets should magnetise itself to the same polarity as those magnets. That is, if it is near a black region (south pole), the car should polarise itself to act as another south pole. Now we have two south pole's (the one's on each side of the road) acting to repel the car's southpole. As the repulsion is coming from both directions, the car would move forward!Wow! Well, what can I say....."Scientific Progress goes Boink".

My next "invention" was a way to stop vehicles crossing the "stop-line" when the signal is red. The solution is actually a very simple one.. You need to place spikes on the stop line. When the signal is green, the spikes lie below the road level.. When the signal turns red, the spikes would automatically come up from below the surface and protrude outwards. So, anyone who dares to cross the stop-line would instead end up with a puncture.. Pretty cool na! Well, "Scientific Progress goes Boink".

Though there are many more such interesting innovations in my kitty, I cannot reveal them here as I am planning to go in for patents for the remaining....

:D

Vikkki