 Tuesday, February 08, 2005 |
Presenting Formula HR.. @ 
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By Whoosh 2 @ 12:05 am 
5 Comments
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After the stupendous success of Formula 1 racing (on Television) in India and after one Indian out of a billion making it to the same (Congrats Narain!!! :) ), the Fédération Internationale de Automobile (FIA – The supreme body for motor-sports) has decided to tap the potential shown by the Bangaloreans to make the sport a major attraction in the country. In his recent visit to India – and Bangalore in particular – Bernie Ecclestone (The number 1 when it comes to F1) was impressed with the maneuvering capabilities and the thrill for speed shown by the drivers of the private transport vehicles (read rickety pick-up buses) on Hosur Road,  that he has decided to make the 29 km stretch between Koramangala and Hosur into a F1 track – and the event will be named Formula Hosur Road (Formula – HR).
The rules for Formula HR will be slightly modified to take the “Need For Speed” of the Indian drivers into account. And yeah, Formula – HR will be a competition between buses to bring an Indian flavor into the race!
GENTLEMEN.. START YOUR ENGINES
Each bus will have a driver (a driver without a license is preferred). This driver can have three to four henchmen if necessary. Each henchman in each of the buses will keep shouting “Attible.. Attible.. Attible” (“Attible” is the last halt for the buses). This is done to keep the driver in high spirits. The warm-up lap present in F1 will be scrapped in F-HR. This can be replaced by an incessant acceleration of the engine with the gear placed in neutral. This is for warming-up the engine. This can be followed by the horn-test. The horn from each bus should be blared in order to determine which vehicle has the best horn. Additional points will be awarded to the vehicle with the best horn! A primary requirement for competing in F-HR is the ability to stop the bus in the middle of the roads. This feature can be exhibited in the bus stops where the fashion of the day is to stop the bus in Lane 1 (Near the road divider) rather than near the bus stop! The pile up of vehicles behind the bus can be discounted as they are insignificant mortals.
AND THE LIGHT GOES GREEN…
The green-light that signals the start of the race has also been replaced. In F-HR, any one of the henchmen of the bus can shout “Hutch” to start the race. ( I am not advertising the telecom company… This is the way the cleaners say “polaam right” here). When the race starts, the Indian Road rules detailed here must strictly be followed. In short, these rules state – Don’t give a damn.
The vehicles can be allowed to fuel only when the passengers are in the bus. Fueling of the vehicle during off-hours is strictly against the rules. Further, the duty of the henchmen is to attempt to stuff in the maximum number of passengers into the vehicle. This, according to a research carried out at IIIT-Bangalore, enables the bus to improve its mileage. The stuffing of passengers can be attained by repeated shouts of the words “Volakada Hogi” (Go inside). The fact that the volume of the bus is limited is not of anyone’s concern here!
To make the race livelier, the FIA has requested that each driver to produce at least one fatal accident – and the drivers are only too happy to comply with this directive. It must also be noted that “driving on Hosur Road” does not restrict itself to the four-lane National Highway. The service roads on either side (which can hardly accommodate a car at a time) must also be considered to be an essential part of the overtaking strategy.
At times – especially between 7 pm and 9pm – other vehicles such as Toyota Qualis, Tata Sumos, Tempo Travellers and Tata Indicabs will take part in the race. But these vehicles are permitted to run only up to Electronics City and cannot go the entire distance.
PIT-STOPS:
Unlike the traditional pit-stops which are used for “getting the vehicle back into shape”, Formula-HR will have real PIT-STOPS. On either side of Hosur road we have these huge pits (that some people call the Bangalore drainage system). If you fall into one of these pits – you stop! And hence the word “Pit Stop”. Any driver who manages to successfully fall into a pit will be given an Indian Driving License and hence will be immediately disqualified from participating in Formula-HR.
Also, to prove that the speed exhibited by the driver is not a one-off achievement, he has to do a re-run in the opposite direction within 10 minutes of reaching Attible / Hosur. The driver of the bus that comes first after the re-run will be crowned the “World Champion Driver of the year 2005”.
Hail Bangalore City. Hail Hosur Road. Hail Formula HR.
Vikkki
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5 Comments
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| 5 Comments: |
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Hey,
hilarious post, can totally empathise..;-) Actually formula HR can be extended to the whole of Bangalore city... or atleast the outskirts...
we used to experience the same nail biting races in whitefield as well... the only diff being 'Ulsooru' was being shouted in place of 'Attibele'... the most important rule to accomodate atleast 20 ppl in 1 sq.ft area holds good all over Bangalore!
in pepping up the driver's spirits, u can also add playing in the highest volume possible (louder than the horn) the most terrible of kannada songs! If you are lucky enough to get into a bus that goes upto Hosur and not Attibele, you could get to watch even Captain movies, that would add up to the ambience exponentially!!
nice post, keep writing..:)
-Nithya
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@Nithya: We've all been there, havent we! :)
@Dumbs: Thanks da! :)
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hey,
liked ur blog! it was funny,esp.the new defination of pit-stops!lol
-prasanna
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@Prasanna.. Thanks for dropping by. :)
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oh my god! this post is a total laugh riot! :D
athaan electronic city to whitefield shift aayitiya!
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Hey,
hilarious post, can totally empathise..;-) Actually formula HR can be extended to the whole of Bangalore city... or atleast the outskirts...
we used to experience the same nail biting races in whitefield as well... the only diff being 'Ulsooru' was being shouted in place of 'Attibele'... the most important rule to accomodate atleast 20 ppl in 1 sq.ft area holds good all over Bangalore!
in pepping up the driver's spirits, u can also add playing in the highest volume possible (louder than the horn) the most terrible of kannada songs! If you are lucky enough to get into a bus that goes upto Hosur and not Attibele, you could get to watch even Captain movies, that would add up to the ambience exponentially!!
nice post, keep writing..:)
-Nithya