Thursday, December 16, 2004
The Murder Weapon... @
By Whoosh 2 @ 4:32 am      4 Comments
Scene of Crime: The Indian Institute of Information Technology, Bangalore
Time of Crime : Placement Week...
Murder Weapon: The Resume'.

How else can i describe my resume? It was the perfect weapon to commit murder with. And here the intended vitim (myself) hands out the weapon to his attacker (The interviewer). It is in an interview where u try to impress upon the interviewer your command over the subject. But, in my case, it turned out to be totally different..

So, here goes.. My Resume Shouts in bold letters, "SKILL SET". I had spent a good day trying to figure out what to include in this and what to leave out.. I finally settled for this.

"Databases: Oracle, MS SQL Server
Database Languages: SQL, PL/SQL...".

Ofcourse, it contained my other skills also.. But, the funny part is, i said to myself "hey, i am not going to attend the interview of any company that specializes in Databases.. so, what the hell.. Let these two lines remain"., for the fact of the matter was that it was almost a year since i worked on anything in the same Zipcode as SQL. The only sql query i could remember was "Select * from tablename".
But, again, i said to myself..."This is not a DB company.. so, no probs dear!"

The Big Day arrives.. I am in my formals, looking pretty decent... Was quite confident about the interview schedule for the day. The written exam was a breeze and i was sure that i would be shortlisted for the interview. And so I was..

The interviewer calls out, "Vikram, you'r next". I took a deep breath and marched in with my resume in the file that i usually carry around while giving interviews.

Interviewer (I) : Hello Vikram, I am .....................
Me (V) : Hi. How do u do? (Nice firm handshake...)
I: Can i see your resume?
V: Sure, here you go.
I: (browses through the three page booklet...) Tell me something about yourself..

( I was expecting this to be the first question and I had an answer prepared for this question more than a month before the interview!!!)

V: I am Vikram from Chennai..... blah blah blah...
I: So, Vikram, I gather from your resume that u have done some work on Oracle...

( What the hell??? what has Oracle got to do with this Interview??)


V: Yes Mam. A long time back though...
I: So, can u tell me what the different Normal Forms are? Why do we do Normalization and Who invented the notion of Normalization??

(Stab 1 right into my stomach... Blood oozes out of the wound... No first aid kit nearby... I hold onto my stomach trying to reduce the blood loss... This wasnt supposed to happen... Why a DBMS question here????!!!)

V: (Trying to bring all the archived data in my brain into the cache...) Well, err.. hmm.. Normalization is the process of reducing the redundancies in a table.. The different forms are 1,2,3,4 ,BCNF and 5. (I went on to explain the first 3 vaguely and I didnt remember 4 BCNF or 5).
I: (Sarcastically...) Hmm.. Alrite. So, now draw a table, populate it and perform all the normalizations on it....

(At this moment, the interviewer has taken a fist-full of salt and has rubbed it on the stab wound in my stomach!!! Is this called "Rubbing salt into one's wound"???)


V: (I drew a table and tried to do something to it... I dont remember what i did though... The only thing i remember was that my interviewer gave a glance to her co-interviewer and they exchanged a smile!!! "Hey! What was that supposed to mean??")
I: I gather that u dont remember this too much..
V: Err.. Yes..
I: Thats okay. Give me atleast 10 differences between a table and a view...

(Stab 2. Perfect one into my chest!!! Hell.. why is she asking DBMS questions????)

V:(Hmm.. A view!! Now, where have i heard that word before??? .. A lot of page faults and thrashing occurs between the RAM and the Hard disk of my brain in an attempt to locate the address of this answer... Finally after a lot of memory cycles, i recollected the answer...) A view is an abstraction of a table.. Blah Blah (i gave 6 differences... All that i could manage).

I: I think you are not too comfortable with questions on DBMS..
V: (Wow!! What a brainwave on her part!!!) Yes Mam. Its been a long time since i did anything related to Database Management.
I: Oh! I.c!! So, Vikram, can u differentiate between ADO and DAO?

(Now, the interviewer has taken both her hands and has placed it on my neck and is attempting to stranglate me.. I am feeling all dizzy.. Need some water.. HELP!!!!!!!!!!)

V:(I take a sip of water... Okay.. DAO and ADO.. Thats got something to do with connections, right??.. Hell, this interview is going nowhere!!!) ADO and DAO has got something to do with connections.... It determines the way in which u connect yout application to the Database.
I: Okay. Which did u use in your projects?

V:( Which eh? Okay. DAO or ADO? Inki Pinki Ponki. Father had a donkey. Donkey Died. Father cried. Inki Pinki Ponki. Ponki! DAO!!!!) I used DAO.
I: Any specific reason for your choice?
V:(Wouldnt I have already told that to u had i known it?) No Mam. Nothing specific.
I: Okay Vikram, I want you to write a stored procedure that would transfer four fields of the user's choice from a table that the user mentions to another table of the user's choice provided the 'balance' field does not exceed 50000 rupees...

(Knock Out! KO. It was delivered from a .50 calibre rifle. It was an excellent shot right into my head. The interviewer was a perfect markswoman. I lay unconcious on the floor. Nobody near me for help. But wait. All is not lost. Help from an unexpected source. My interviewer calls 911. The Ambulance arrives. I am put on the stretcher and am being administered drips.. The doctor removes the bullet. Thankfully, it just grazed my skull..)

I: Alrite Vikram. Tell me which area you are most comfortable in??
V: I am a networks engineer. My field of expertise is Computer Networks and Storage.
I: Oh! Is that so? Well, i am a DBMS person basically .... My co-interviewer is more the Networks guy among us.. He will be the better person to interview you...
V: (Wow! Music to my ears... ) Yes Madam. I could gather that your expertise was in the field of Database Management.. (I fake a smile...)


(At this point of time, Interviewer 2 takes over.. )


I2:Vikram, tell me, how would you classify the OSL layers??
V: (Oof! How I longed for a question like this...) Blah Blah Blah Blah...
I2: Could you explain the internal workings of a router??
V: (Ofcourse, I can....) Blah Blah Blah

(The drips are taking effect. I am recuperating.. The doctor (Interviewer 2) has just started to stitch up the stab wounds in my chest and stomach... Am feeling much better... He goes on to ask questions on Data structures (my other strong point), Java and C (all of which didnt prove to be too difficult....) Although the drips and the injections that were adminstered to me were taking effect, i still felt drowsy and dizzy.. The interview gives over.. I go outside to join my peers where I faint into the hands of Mr.Gopi (my classmate) standing out there... I narrated to him how horrible the interview went... Just then the attendant calls out... "Vikram, you have cleared the first interview. Please be ready for the second round in 5 minutes..." Wo!! I couldnt believe my ears... The second round went off without a hitch.. The HR round was a breeze.. I landed myself a job!!!!!!)

All's well that ends well.... My near-death experience is now a distant memory. But one thing i learned was that ur resume can be your best friend or your worst enemy!!!!!



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